From Guest Blogger Taryn Skees “Throw the “How-To” books out the window”
Posted by Catherine on December 06, 2011 : 2 commentsFrom Guest Blogger Taryn Skees at http://www.moreskeesplease.com
Throw the "How-To" books out the window
One of the gifts most received by parents-to-be are parenting books – you know the ones, they have titles like “Your Child Day by Day” or “How to Raise a Happy Baby”. They are given with the best of intentions, as a guidebook of sorts for those who are expecting their first child.
I’ll admit I thumbed through the many books I had as a new mom looking for answers to the questions I was too embarrassed to ask the pediatrician. I didn’t want to be that mom who was known as the one who freaked out about everything. Things like: My baby hasn’t pooped in 24 hours…what does the book say about poop? Does my baby have acne…what are the little whiteheads on his nose? Will my baby EVER sleep through the night?
Here’s the thing though - after the first month or two, the books collected dust on the shelf. It isn’t because I became a more confident parent in such a short time. Goodness knows I still have a billion questions each step of the way (and my kids are now 3 and 4 years old!) It was, however, because those books that were supposed to help me actually made me worry MORE. When I found an answer that didn’t match my situation exactly, I worried. When the book offered some advice that contradicted what the pediatrician said, I worried. When my child didn’t “fit the mold” and wasn’t crawling, walking, talking when the book said he should, I worried.
At some point I began to realize I had to trust my motherly instincts. And when I had doubts, I would call the pediatrician without feeling bad about it. After all, we do pay them to provide a service, right?
Most importantly, I had to stop comparing my child to the “guidelines” provided in those books (or to my sister’s kids or my friend’s baby or the other baby in the Mom and Me class). Every child is different!
So if you are expecting your first child and receive one of these books…accept it graciously. But don’t be afraid to put the book on the shelf and trust your gut instead.
Taryn
Previous Comments
Leigh Ann
December 06, 2011I almost never found my particular question in one of the books! The only book I swear up and down by as being helpful is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, because it's so all encompassing with methods for all types of parents. But I could not have lived without my mothers of multiples group -- ask a question and you would get a bevy of answers, and surely one would be one that you related to.
Evin Cooper
December 06, 2011So true! I still have my What to Expect The First Year from when my son was born, 7 years ago, and the spine is barely cracked - and I have 3 kids now! If I really don't know what to do, I ask another mom. I trust moms more than I trust authors! Thank God for Twitter at 2 am!