Multiracial Identity
Posted by Tiziana on November 03, 2010A little boy about 4 years of age bumped into me while at the playground and started a conversation. He asked me “where was my child?” Well, she was standing right there in front of me, curly hair, sun kissed skin and a big smile…. how could he not notice that she belong to me? Instead, with a puzzled look, he stared at her, than back at me and said something along the lines… she is darker than you are?!
Gosh, have I missed the elephant in my living room?
I have been referred to as my child’s grandma, foster and adoptive parent. Other than the grandma comment, I suppose what all those people were trying to say is pretty much what the little boy said to me. She looks so different than you….
In a way this makes me angry, how dare they fail to recognize that she has my eyes? Yet the truth to be told it is difficult to see such subtleties when she has such a different complexion than mine. Although she looks like her daddy’s aunt, her unique complexion makes it even hard for people to identify G as my husband’s child as well. Though he doesn’t receive the same comment because he’s big, and doesn’t smile a lot, well accept around us.
Make no mistake here, I am not lamenting the fact that she doesn’t look like her parents, but rather that we are going to have to face up to the fact that we are a multiracial, multicultural and multilingual family. I will need to create a greater sense of self, family and celebration for our uniqueness and appreciation for our cultural diversity.
I recently heard Matthew Dowd speak, he made a comment that resonated with me – “Americans feel like orphans” because of they lack a sense of community. I must say that I know that feeling very well. I have outgrown my own culture from my native Italy, yet I don’t believe that I fully belong into the American culture because of my upbringing. It seems to me that the greatest bonds in the American life are built in high school and college and I didn’t have either of them here. I do not fit neatly into American or Italian culture and that at times, has caused me a bit of an identity crisis, and a sense of feeling like an outsider.
The positive side is that I feel more comfortable and worldly and am truly able to appreciate diversity. I value and know multiple cultures and can relate to people in more than one group. I have learned things about my own sense of identity that has helped me to define myself in a greater/deeper sense.
I realize that things for my little one will be even more complex, because of race. Yet I found comforting to read that “For the majority of multiracial children, growing up associated with multiple races and cultures is enriching, rewarding, and contributes to healthy adult adjustment.” I certainly hope this is the case."
